April 26: Brain rotting/collegiate theatre and tears
okay the goal for today is to try and keep my brain from rotting. i have
this fear that i'm getting dumber as i'm getting older. I know that i've
lost a lot of my articulation ability over the past three years.
this fact became increasingly evident to me last summer as
i was trying to handle my thesis defense.
nothing seemed correct to me as it was coming out of my mouth. the fact
that i passed made me feel super smart for a few days...but while i was
sitting there talking to my professors, i felt each one of them think
"shut the fuck up, you inarticulate dolt."
i know it's not true, but it was the way i felt. for an aquarian i've
recently spent way too much time thinking about the past. i look at
myself now and wonder if the same person today could have won all of those
scholarships and awards that he did when he was a high school student ten
years earlier. i fear not. but i live in fear as well.
so i'm trying to change that with something as mundane as looking up a word
in the dictionary and trying to incorporate it into my vocabulary for
the day. i utilized the word aplomb today in a way that i hadn't before
(and actually i guess shouldn't count since i knew the word even if i
wasn't completely accurate of the meaning). so i'm going to pick a new a
word today and use it. 26 days from now (well actually 36 days) i'll have
26 new words in my arsenal. i'm not looking forward to q or x (though
quixotic is always a good one.)
this positive thing is making me feel a lot better. i'm still tense all
the time, especially in my shoulders. but my general outlook has
improved. or at least i think it has. and i'm the one who really
matters, right? POSITIVITY AND ENLIGHTENMENT!
the show closed. merry wives in no more. i have a few new acquaintances
from it, and a different perspective on shakespeare.
so that's good for something.
i did not get to see city of angels (the musical, one of my favorites in
case i haven't said it thirty times by now, the other being HAIR, go
figure) this weekend. i went to the theatre and all the doors were
locked. i went to the box office and they thought the show was going on.
yeah hoof and horn (that's the theatre company). good thing to know that
not everything is perfect at duke.
especially, the fact that their computer technology is highly obsolete.
it was blue devil days there and the campus was swarmed with all
these potential dookies. it was interesting to hear some of the tour
guides. at carolina you got use to them...but there everything just
seemed so fake and pretensious. though i'll say the same about my school
just to be equal. but the fact that the entire campus is run by a plastic
card and no one thinking of the big brother aspect of that was a little
speaking of collegiate theatre. i was doing that wasn't i? anyway. i
saw one of the best shows that i've seen in a long time. and that's
saying A LOT coming from me. but i saw She Loves Me for the first time
this weekend. it was a company carolina production. they did a fantastic
job. we were less than two feet from the performers at certain times. it
made for quite an afternoon. but the show was excellent in many aspects.
an acquaintance of mine who was called a tiny tom cruise (is that not
oxymoronic) has now been called a tiny ben affleck (hmmm guess who's
popular now?) should never set foot on a musical theatre stage again. but
of course i didn't tell him that. "when they ask questions, i just smiled
an grinned a lot...the patrollers aint gonna get me" -- Pathway to
my buddy david was the lead (it's his last show) and he was fantastic.
he's an incredible actor and regardless of what he says he's a pretty good
singer. his techinique is bad and at times you could see the strain in
his neck and his body shook when he sang. but he's pleasant to look at
and has a great vocal quality. he could make it, but because he likes
money he's going into banking.
musical theatre at carolina is in good hands. there were some incredible
freshmen this year.
you always hope that things you start can continue.
My collegiate company (Pauper Players) has new officers for the next year.
and they are thank the lord much stronger than this' past year's troop.
so the new milleniums (2000 and 2001, take your pick) seem to be in good
our awards ceremony was on friday and of course i didn't attend because of
merry wives. i'm glad i didn't. i would have made a blubbering idiot of
myself. i won an award for best ad-lib line: "right tit, left tit, ass"
it was a cue that i gave to the light operators for our production of
gypsy last fall. silly me i didn't even remember.
but the special thing and the one that would have made me incoherent for
the remainder of the party was the fact that they gave me a "thank you"
award. i got a purple jacket with my name on the front lapel and
the paupers logo on the back. there is only one other jacket like
it...belonging to wad and his is black.
it's like a lifetime achievement award.
i would have been a total wreck. these kids today do respect their
elders. oh my, i'm tearing now just thinking about it. it really is a
word for the day: amative am'uh'tiv adj. capable of love, amourous.