October 4: cracking from the weight

I am at my wits' end for the moment, but I'll have to get over it soon. My world was completely rocked in more ways than i cared to admit last week when I lost the job. and i'm trying to gauge how i'm dealing with it over the next couple of hours.

I was told that I may not be placed at another assignement at GWI. That struck a mighty blow to my ego and my self-confidence. Here I've placed four years of dedication to this company and this staffing agency and because of one bad report (which she isn't even sure of since she hasn't talked to the last department chair) I may not be eligible to work out there.

I took all of my effort to not start crying in the office as she was telling me this. M is going to talk to the manager and see what her reccommendations are (if it wasn't a good fit or something). apparently, i've had similar complaints about me before (excessive internet use and tardiness) but it had never warranted discussion on my agent's part with me. Then why the hell is it cause to terminate my contract with the agency.

She advised that I still hook up with other agencies since i"ve been at at GW so long.


My brain needs to get clear soon. we got the music for the show so we're going full throttle with that. i pulled out in front of this car earlier today after getting the news and everything almost became a moot point.

Where and when did I lose my sense of self-worth and my desire to succeed? oh yeah those years that i was co-dependent on several friends who took me for all that i'm now i'm afraid to take chances.

deep breathing seems to help.

later...i hope.



I'm extra-ordinary, I need to do extraordinary things.