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March 19: that itch is back or spring has sprung

stop the madness... That line still suffices. That crazy crazy itch is upon me. After reading TheBellJar today it put in such a not healthy mood. Spring is probably in the air and that is not a good thing for me. h-o-r-n-y There was some guy who came to see the show today (Wheelchair Dancer), i've known him for a couple of years, but we are in no means close --I wouldn't even put it at the acquaintance level. He's just someone I know and a fellow singing african american about 5-8 years older than I. but today as he turned away from me, it took all of my will power not to simply take him right there. every fiber of my being simply wanted to mesh into him head first. and he's not cute. at all. Not to mention that I have a crush on my stage manager. he's not overly attractive either (some of you have met him at the rehearsal for the voice-over i recently did) and he's only 23. (like i really care that he's five years younger than I am, but i'm grasping for straws here in my head.) But there is just something about him that lights a spark down inside. ugh. So of course me being who i am, i'm flirting with him in that 7th grade, I like you so much i'm going to pick on you and call you names and antagonize you until you really see how much i like you. Telling him to stay out of my space and move over, all the while relishing in the fact that he's bumping up against me. Fucking A that is so pathetic. At least I did realize that I was doing it at the time that it was transpiring. Okay, and what the hell good is that realization. It's gotten to the point of where I'm thinking/contemplating/putting my hand on the phone, not to call a prostitute--I still haven't taken that route yet, but to call and beg/grovel/plead with Nimnod to sleep with me again. some simple human touch that's not just me. it's making me shake. awe man, i had a couple of things that i wanted to tell you guys. yeesh, my brain is no longer working... I'm redesigning the gwen stewart page as'll have a new url... gwen I'll sign off now, maybe that other entry will be sparked at rehearsal tonight and I'll jot it down. maybe. bizzou Performing is the only thing keeping me sane at the moment. Wheeee!