10-22-98: decisions decisions
okay, i have to share this odd event that happened tuesday nite. okay got to the rehearsal
place in henderson north carolina. i was one of the first to arrive i think, so i went to get
some dinner. the elementary school auditorium was just that. so the shows were going to be
rough ones in terms of projection and articulation and just energy. this is the longest run of
a jelly show and it's beginning to show on a lot of us.
I was really feeling the "i want to be alone," because jacq didn't get in touch with me. but i had
a really nice time just chilling by myself in my car. so it turned out okay. just a continuation
of the same old/same old but in a more positive vein.
so anyway rehearsal is rehearsal and we go back to the motel where we're staying. jacq and i are dog
tired. but the bed is hard a hell. ugh. so it's going to be a rough nite for me. well ed comes
bounding into the room, just like i thought he would. 10 minutes there and he already had to get
away from solomon. tee hee. (and i later find out that jane ended up sleeping in debbie's room after
darlyne had bulldozed her way into their room).
so he hops on the bed with jacq and i'm like (whoa nellie). i really wanted to go and get some cigs from
the store, but i figured that if i left the room, i might not be able to come back in it. there was that
much tension...or me in my convoluted state was just making it all up. i know jacq wants to see it and
i know that he's so wanting to give it to her. ah me.
and jacq told us the story of how she was slutting her way on to geekboy[tm] on their first day and how he
was not having ANY of it. so they are going out again later. she is way way way too much.
okay, i must have been really tired yesterday. I get home around 2:30pm and promptly fell asleep. stephanwolf
calls around 4:45 about rehearsal that nite. i chat for a minute and then fall right back asleep until 6pm.
after that i really didn't want to go to rehearsal and i was hungry as hell.
but i went and i'm glad that i did. we had a wonderful rehearsal last nite in Pick Up 6. I mean in the past i
think i was letting the newness and the fact that we're 10x better than the Accidentals ever thought of being
lead me to believe that we had a better sound than we did. But we're actually getting there now. people have
calmed down somewhat, though stephanie is still the troublemaker extraordinaire. god, she's got a mouth on her.
and may have caused chris some grief last nite. but anyway, not going to talk about that negativity tonight. for
once i'm really feeling a positive vibe about myself. don't know why, hope it lasts.
lance voicefaxed (that's our term for telephone call oh nevermind, we're weird). gave me some positive feedback
and i tried to do the same for him. i'm still hoping that chris doesn't decide to leave. their is always that
tinge hanging in the air. he and stephanie just clash sometimes.
but anyway, gotta get the women some more solos so they'll (alright again stephanie) will quit bitching about how many
i have (which albeit has become a lot, but damn I AM THE MUSIC DIRECTOR) hahhahahahahaa. anyway. i think this group
really does have the potential of being GOOD. not great mind you, but solid and something to be proud of. and we
aren't going to do just standards...we're branching in many different ways, including 70s and OFF THE BEAT type songs
which Chris is way into.
okay patrick summed up my life in his entry for
tuesday. I mean exact details of what i'm feeling down in my bones about working and what i really want to do with my
life. I KNOW i want to work in the theatre. That is the only absolute in my life. But i don't know doing what exactly.
I say i want to be a director but some of that comes from the fact that i didn't have the cajones to be a professional actor.
people tell me that i'm a good singer, but i don't have the faith in myself to fully pursue musical theatre nor the confidence
that the casting agents will be able to stomach looking at me, when i can't even begin to look at myself onstage or in the
mirror.
and i say that i want to be a professor because that's a real easy way (as i see it) of having the opportunity to do all those
things that i've mentioned previously. but it's a hell of a lot of work as well.
no...up up up thoughts...
so i probably have more to talk about in this arena, but i'll save that for another day.
later.
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