nillachino

DEC 30: deconstructing myself

not really, i'm too tired to try to deconstruct a 28 yr african american gay obese male at the end of the 90s decade.

it's very very trying and besides my derrida isn't that good.

breakfast: fruit cocktail and applesauce.

I now have to work all day friday and some of friday nite (ugh ugh) and saturday morning. As well, I'm now the official box office proofreader between audience services and marketing. no, i'm not getting paid any extra. oh and uberboss' son just got a job somewhere else making 50 cents less than me. but i'm not going to complain about that.

i took this job knowing of the low pay, it was supposedly going to open up new avenues for me. i think it still might but it's going to be a slow slow process.

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oh damn, i so wimped out about talking to my aunt. i need to do that soon. i am ready to make the move from north carolina, but not really ready to do it on my own.

i think that i'm going to write my aunt a letter and ask her. i was just too afraid that she was going to reject me to my face to bring myself to talk to her while we were shopping.

so yeah, my balls shrank a bit.

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I didn't want to talk about this but I'm gonna cause it's a somewhat important issue.

I'm going to be called in for questioning with the durham county police department.

I'm nervous but not really because (for once) i haven't done anything wrong. my friend's roommate had a credit card stolen from him while he was away. And i was one of the few people in the house who had access to his room while he was gone. (especially since i slept in his room several times.)

but the credit card wasn't there while i was there...at least not to my recollection. apparently, it was left on a nightstand on the card that it comes with, but i don't even remember seeing the card in the room. i have an alibi thank you jesus. the person who took it went shopping on wednesday the 22 and then bought gas while they were in ATLANTA. well, considering that i was with my friend that night at a concert in chapel hill and NOT in atlanta, i think i'm okay. for the most part.

but you may know how those things get. i'm not trying to through race around, but being a black male in america, anytime you are on the wrong side of the law -- even if it's just for questioning or helping the police out...the law is not usually on your side. there will always be chips, blocks, and circumstances that get in your way. and if you don't believe me, alton fitzgerald's account of his arrest and time in prison for being in the wrong building (his own by the way) at the wrong time is a true testament to the "plight" of the black man.

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well, i hope people are going to enjoy the new year. I still don't have any final plans because you know that's how i am. i thought everything was hunky-dory, but there's been a wrench. the dinner party has tentatively been cancelled. and mike hasn't returned a fon call or email to let me know that his party is still going on tomorrow nite....

and i don't know if i'll have a ticket for the JAMES TAYLOR CONCERT tomorrow nite. argh. someone is supposedly comping me for the show, but i won't know that until TOMORROW either. damn damn damn.

oh well such is the fleeting moments of life.

I'll catch you guys on the other side.

la.

happy new year.

24 DAYS TIL MY BIRTHDAY....jus so you know.

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lalalalalalalala.

I'm extra-ordinary, I need to do extraordinary things.