My Life is under construction

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The attempt to silence a man is 
the greatest honor you can bestow on him. 
It means that you recognize 
his superiority to yourself.

óJoseph Sobran

10-27-98: forget regret or life is yours to miss

Regrets. my life is completely run by regrets. i always feel like i'm missing out on something else once I've made a decision. it's very frustrating to me and i know to a lot of my friends. i guess i'm the waffle king. I realized today that i'm over nimnod but that i do regret a lot of things about our "relationship." i was trying to not fuck him so that i wouldn't become more obbsessive and attached to him (he being my first). So what do i do instead: i obbsess over the fact that I COULD HAVE fucked him on numerous occassions and regret the fact that i didn't. i think it would offer good closure on an interesting chapter of my life. What i'm regretting now is the what if, of stalker man. so yeah, i'm substituting one for the other. bite me. jam-packed weekend continued.... Well saturday morning was just a true true pleasure. we were supposed to be at the theatre for a nine o'clock call which meant i had to leave at 8am to get there on time. so at 8:40am when i was leaving my townhouse i wasn't really expecting to be the 2nd person to get there. ohhh chile drama insued. Synopsis: the old people (kate, jane and sol) and crazygirl (darlyne) and ed all carpooled to henderson for the show. welp saturday wasn't to be like that again. kate was at least 15 mintues late getting to the meeting site and so jane at company left her. stephen who stated that our call time would be 9am didn't arrive til 10oclock and kate arrived around 10:15 all livid and shit. Well, i thought she was upset with herself for being late and tried to tell her that it was okay that these things happen. oh noooo, honey girl was pissed off that jane had the nerve to leave her. that shit cracked me up. i mean how can you be so arrogant to think that people shouldn't have left you when you were more than 15 minutes late and hadn't bothered to call anyone. and then the festivities got fierce in the women's dressing room about it....loo loo loo the oldies were at it again. So the show is over. THANK GOD. and this is a thank god because the show was simply tiring and not because it was one of those bad shows that you wish would end. it had simply run it's course with me. We go to lunch together and split up the group so that no one has to drive home alone except jacq. I'm taking ed to the barber shop. i think we are going to try to remain friends. i see this as a good thing. i told him about this drinking game i had played the other nite and the stories from that (yes, i'm talking about AM and the fraternal lambadha. he was throwing a party that nite and i gave him the rules of the game. so it was storytime for me on sunday. Back at the ranch, i'm preparing to go to the Duke Parent's Weekend. all of the a cappella groups on campus were having a concert together and i wanted to go as my official CASA duties and as my NCCA duties to meet/greet and scope out the talent for our upcoming showcase. i clean my room a lot, but of course there is much more to be done for it to resemble that an intelligent human being lives there. but i'm making progress. The concert was amazing. stop by nc a cappella to find out more about the groups that performed. I got to see the Pitchforks (by far the best group there), Lady Blue, Out of the Blue, Speak of the Devil, Rhythm and Blue, and Something Borrowed Something Blue. it's going to be interesting trying to decide who's going to the showcase. Shane was there. i'll talk about shane later. he's getting on my nerves. it's okay he wants my job. i'll give it to him. but when he starts freaking out people, ugh, that's doing more harm than good. and my co-coordinator isn't helping any (not that i'm helping her a lot right now either) but anyway he's beginning to piss me off. ooo, the stu-pid fuck just sent out an email talking about his top rankings and who should be invited to the invitationl and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhh. whew stacy just put him in his place hopefully. i'm through with all that. breathe bitch breathe. i think this is my favorite mantra.

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