9-30-98: sitting by the reflecting pool
well apparently, the job that i had the phone interview with yesterday, went much better
than I had anticipated. "christine" was actually thoroughly impressed with me. her one
concern was that i wanted a job that was more technically situated that what she currently
had to offer. that is far from the truth baby. i just want a job. right now it doesn't
even have to be a career, because my career is definately in arts education. but this job
could be phat. whew...so i should hear about the face to face later this week or next week.
also on the job front...caren called again today with another lead. this time working as an
office manager in a cpa firm. everytime she calls with a lead it's like she's desparately trying
to SELL ME on it. she doesn't have to, just give me the information. i just want a job. this
one doesn't pay as much as comdisco, but it's in durham so that right there makes it a little bit
better. caren's catch phrases are always cool, neat, nice people, open
this firm must be owned by a lesbian. and no that's not a tangent in any strecth of the imagination.
so i'm waiting to talk to this person as well. yippe skippee.
omifuckinggod, okay i was up late on the fon with eris last nite. i mean late late late. it was another
one of "those types" of conversations though. but i'm over it already. anyway...come 2am and
INTERPLANET JANET cockroach decides to do a josh smack against the wall and told me to get off
the phone. i mean IJ is 2 as big as superjanet of earlier this summer. it was one of the most disgusting
sites i've had to witness in that shithole i call a home. argh argh argh. bayfucking leaves my ass
superleroy[tm]. i mean when you can heard a bug land on the wall...what other recourses do you have but
to faint. so sleep was kinda hard-pressed last nite.
i don't like sol [jelly]. i won't even go into what he did last nite to piss me completely off. but i will be glad
when this show is over because it means that i will never have to speak to him again unless it's my choice.
from day -30 he has been nothing but thoroughly infuriating.
the pickup6 restructuring that i want to do, probably isn't going to happen tomorrow nite. i've gotten only one
response to the discussion i posted (from stephanie) and then a brief discussion with caren (the two i expected to
talk with. so hmmmmm, we'll see. whatever, i don't really care at this moment, it's just another stress factor in
my life. but i can deal with it.
insurance insurance insurance, lawyer lawyer lawyer...mantra mantra mantra.
THE GREEN MAN opens tomorrow. ooo children...hundreds of them. yay!
9-29-98: mrs. which, mrs. who, and mrs. whatsit
today has been a day. not totally death-defying, but nonetheless, i've reflected, projected,
dejected and headached a bit.
glasses: i got some new glasses today. of course they are not as spiffy as i thought they were going
to be because i'm a complete schmuck and decided to go more conservative when the lady was helping me
pick out the $180 frames. so of course i'm not happy because i'm never happy with anything i purchase
because i always think that there's something better out there that i can get with my money. they are
a radical change but not, i'm not going to go out and sweep every person off their feet with these glasses
(see my fantasy life is much stronger than it should be...argh). life isn't fair is it?
but i will say they are lightweight fucks. if i couldn't see them on my face...i really wouldn't know
that they were there can't feel them on my temples or ears at all.
well, i had another job interview today. this one was a fon interview which i thought, maybe my race won't
play a big part in this one. this one went almost as good as the last one (go figure). i think i've lost my
interviewing skills. i hate selling myself and i didn't prepare questions to ask them. it's a fucking
administrative assistant job. if you can fucking count and spell you can be an administrative assitant...there
isn't really a lot more to it than that. so i always hate when they ask if you have any questions, yes i do.
can you tell me why coporate america continues to be the most puerile instance of racial hatred in this country?
why do white people think that all of black america is ignorant and unmotivated, why do you really think that you
are the superior race and therefore should be able to run and ruin the lives of the rest of the world who
conviently outnumber you, but can't seem to organize in a suitable fashion to end your cycle of institutional
debilitation. this one was for a computer company in raleigh. hmmm, maybe i'll get a face to face interview
but i'm not going to hold my breath any.
actually doing some work today, but not what i'm supposed to be doing. i spent several hours taking information
out of three ring binders and putting the material in a confidential box so that it could be shredded. egads.
the video man didn't call me back. i have to call him again so i can get this thesis shit over with. argh...
josh's big date didn't happen this past weekend...or today for that matter. hmmm, there seems
to be a pattern establishing itself here. i wish him well on this endeavor. it's a big hurdle in a gay man's life (one
that i haven't completed myself. ugh. ugh.
i think eris had a good time on this trip. it's the first one since may of 97 that's she's gone to see rent without
the company of me or josh. she was a little apprehensive about it at first because of all the cliquey bitches
who were to be in attendance. apparently, there was no drama, except for the fact that eris overheard laura dias
(angel cast mimi) call daphne rubin-vega (OBC rent MIMI) a bitch because daphne will be reprising her role with the
cast when the tour stops in LA and San Fran. the word got out as the cliquey bitch grapevine is won't to do, and it
caused a slight ripple on the list.
okay been reading the last session list. what an interesting family for adults, that is until the bennykids come on
treat it like their list....so of course trauma insued, but i think it's died down. oh well. people are people so
why should it be....(name that tune)!
green man goes into tech rehearsal tonight. i'm kinda excited because i get a chance to really
develop the character now, because we have the space in which to have fun. i've got to prove something to myself, but i'm
not sure yet what that something is. arghh.
renee's site is back up, that had me worried for a minute. she's going to have
a baby soon and i haven't joined in on the festivities yet.
talked to caren today about the rehearsal process and what people wanted out of the group. she knows that
we all don't have the same goals and probably need to discuss the direction we want the group to head. something that i've said
quietly to myself so that no one else could hear me, for some time now. oh and apparently moose is a
moody person...so that some of the issues that have been raised are his on doing, because he's never happy with anything either.
i can gig with that. i'm beginning to like jennifer even more. i need to call lance.
9-28-98: going up in smoke
you know somethings happen just because they are supposed to. i think i was just
suppose to meet matt and be intimadated by the stalker and nothing else. they
were flights of fancy to bring some life to my otherwise boring existence.
saw a guy who could have been matt on saturday, but the guy did not respond to
my calling his name. so that tells you something. as well he was doing the
lollipop lick (x anyone) so even if it was matt...argh. i did see his friends
but, they were all kinds of together and who likes butting into groups.
didn't get the "dream job." i'll live. got the rejection letter in the mail on
what was already a bad saturday. got a check from the insurance company that doesn't
even begin to cover the damages to my car. argh, i need to get a lawyer.
I FOUND MY VIDEOS going to copytron in a few minutes to get them copied.
i am almost home free.
my new glasses should be in tomorrow. w00 w00 w00.
i did some people at the club which i was quite happy about. it was the first time i had
ever gone there by myself (no it didn't start out that way, but jacq again decided not to
go at the last minute. hrammmm.) but the clincher this time was that i was taking donald
because he's no longer allowed to drive in the state of north carolina. and even though
he's 30something...the idiot didn't bring his id...so no get in. i being the bitch that
i am, after his insistence went in alone. i hope he got home okay.
so by myself looking for two men. that should have been good odds...but the place was packed.
anyway so i saw jason whom i haven't spoken to in a long time. he's one of the HAIR people and
now has a loving boyfriend who lives in oklahoma. we're going to francesca's soon and really get
to know each other again. i've missed him. he's a card and has crazier roommates than i. amy amy.
we talked about eris' favorite subjec: mr. scott michner. yeah bite my ass you fucker...beat me.
saw my ADAM...a 6'3 north dakotan who only likes black men except for charlie (who was also in
attendance you know those gay/straight boys). he was twirling about in his usual fashion.
but the best and the person i hung out with the most that nite was jon. i think he's my protege. i'm
going to his gypsy rehearsal tonight. he was having issues because his past kept hitting him in the face
and in not so good ways.
got two healing touches this weeked. my director for GREEN MAN took some stress out of my life on friday nite.
he wants to talk with me. he thinks i'm wasting my talent behind my health issues. i think he's right. i know
i'm wasting my sex life. ARGH! so we're going to chat a lot after this show is over.
and then jelly again provided personal massages on the last weekend of rehearsals...so i got another healing touch
done. rearranging my energies was a good think. she made me feel 7 feet tall. i went home and took a great 3 hour nap.
i even feel much better today. w00.
The show fell together over the weekend. and i mean it really really did. we have a show from somewhere i hadn't known
could be possible. we go into tech tomorrow nite...and i'm actually excited. there are parts that i would change but
what the hell ever. i just gotta make sure that i'm rested...i really want to do a great job, i do good when i'm tired
but they are watching me now...and i have stuff to prove to myself.
i still can't believe that stephen (the director) thinks that i have that much talent. ugh low self-esteem is such a bitch.
and of course eris did not call me a single time over the weekend. but you know what that's okay.
oh and i'm mad at josh's sex scandal...but you know i wish ba-boy all the sweet potato pie in the world.
ooo check out the construction workers those people who help me build my life. i've forgotten some
people who i'll be adding periodically. i can't believe i forgot to put jasme up there. eeks.
guess what...this was actually a positive moment in my life.
I have a fon interview with Comdisco tomorrow. wish me luck.