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April 13: a job's dissolution

ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh. i am trying to remain positive in everything that i do. i really am i need it for my psyche to not totally blow itself up and i do something. i'm trying hard hard hard not to start crying right now at my desk. my job and wage-earning ability is in jeopardy. yes, the great job that i've spent a week doing so far, may be dissolving right under my feet. of course it is. argh. my boss just got a new job in another aspect of communications and there is already a regular employee over there. She's leaving May 3rd. The job she's doing now is basically being redistributed (gee that sound so 1997 for me) among other people in the area. and i'm not going with her. so i'm going to be helping out the other admin in the area for awhile, but who knows how long that while is. i'm having a hard time thinking straight right now. and this was actually going to be a happy entry if i had written it earlier today. the show opened well, plans are definately in place for the summer festival, i have two of my mixed tapes done for the big trade, i went to hearsay rehearsal last nite and only wanted to kill one person and it was stupidly tense but some issues were resolved while others were created, i got some new clothes from someone i'm not speaking to right now, and i was getting settled. i just need a big shot of novacain to my brain, i need to numb this fear and self-hatred and utter pity that i'm always feeling for myself. lord. my boss to me to just hang loose because there is going to be some shuffling going on. ah.