APR 27: a big ole file/confluxed emotions

Sometimes just be glad that I take a long time between entries. I'm going to spare you the more mundane items that I had written down to talk about in this here journal-y thingy.

I'm going to have to go at this in reverse chornology, just because I've been stamped hard a few hours ago.

I am very very conflicted at this moment. And that depresses me. Though hopefully this won't be a depressing entry.

My roommate is moving out.

wait shall I say that just one more time in the fashion that it struck me when I was told.


In June I do believe. Now most of you know that I should be doing the fucking spring dance of wizardy joy right now. How much I've bellyached about him and lauded the escapades that we've had over the past two years.

But I can't:

Right now I'm scared shitless. All of my housing issues from the past came rushing back to me when he said those words. And he's moving in with Patsy (see online journal-construction workers) who I find glorious, but that's another issue. Something is washing over me at right now and I can't express all of the years of anguish that have put me here so that I'm not thrilled about moving into a bigger room and having a new (and hopefully better) roommate to share my life with. I know part of it has to do with will I/he be able to find someone in time (he's moving in June)and will they like me? Will the landlord let me stay in the duplex (supposedly it was in my lease because of the amount of money I made I HAD to have someone else living in the apartment.) So I'm feeling a bit ambushed right now. But I'll get over it. If not. I'll move, possibly into a place of my own. argh.

I'm sure in a few weeks, I'll be able to look on it in a positive light. eeks, i'll be in new york when the person, hopefully moves in. The cleaning up so that it's presentable is going to be a bitch, even though most of the crap is superleroy's.

josh, how soon can you get out of your lease?


Well now that that is out of the way, let's discuss those other items that have been jamming my brain over the past two weeks.


Positive: I was asked to do a potrait-sitting for a sculptor friend of mine. I don't know if it's actually going to happen, or when he's planning on having me model this summer. But I thought the fact that he asked me to do it was in and of itself and compliment.


Positive: I went to see and not so great production of Angels in America two weeks ago. The show was quite strong if not a tad bit episodic. Actors would leave the stage area before the lights or the scene had closed. I know the show is almost three hours long (and felt every bit) but I would have liked it a little more if it hadn't been so jerky. I think riddleboy[tm] did a good job of directing his first play. and some of the cast members were excellent. ms. thomas played belize (a character i want despartely to tackle). that's all i'm going to say about that. The good (maybe) thing that came out of the show was that smich was nude during one of the scenes. He being nude was fine, but I got a great pleasure out of thinking about the turmoil he went through to be able to do this scene. The theatre they performed in, on the other hand, was one of the crappiest places I've ever been in. AND IT'S NEW! argh. I'm hopefully going to write an essay about the show in the near future. I've seen way too many "intellectual" plays over the last month (Wit, Angels in America, and saturday's The Seagull).


After the show though, I got to see a former student of mine called Big Ant. And he actually remembered stuff that I taught him. I think he's come out of the closet, but one can't be sure. His friend was a cute flamer, but I believe he was And I saw some peeps that i hadn't spoken to in a long time. melgarren and nicroyal dragged my sorry ass to Henry's Bistro where i had one of the worst frozen pizzas ever. But I got to chat up mel and meet these cool people. and smich actually deigned himself to hold a conversation with me. the boy may be growing up. found out that he slept with max (you remember him, jesus?) but now he treats him like yesterday's news. (how's that boy, you know the one with the hair?)


and who knew that max's father was the chief fire marshall of new york city. eeks.


One of the cool people I met was this woman named stacy. who knows patrick and stephanie. she is so CRAZY. beyond belief. We are apparently going out to dinner soon so that I can learn more about fine dining. She wants me to judge this chef's restaurant where she's wanting to co-op. I'm not holding my breath for the official invite. she was lit to the gills while we were talking about all of this.


jaz is back. nuff said. and holly is moving to alaska to work in this theatre for several months.

la. la. la.



I'm extra-ordinary, I need to do extraordinary things.